


Sense of Closure

by daryldixons



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Possible Spoilers, daryl finally has a dog, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 11:23:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9179389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daryldixons/pseuds/daryldixons
Summary: Paul wakes up to find Daryl missing. He finds him in the last place he would have expected. (Based on a headcanon found on Tumblr).





	

Paul groggily opened his eyes, the sun shining through the thin fabric of the curtains covering the large window of the trailer letting him know it was time to start the day. He sighed, his body still heavy with sleep, and buried his face deeper into the pillow.

It wasn't long before he realized he was alone in bed when he rolled over, the sheets next to him cold and lonely. This wasn't something new to Paul since Daryl was usually always the first one up making breakfast or going off on a run. Sometimes Paul wished he woke up more often with Daryl's arms around him but he knew how restless the older man was, always feeling the need to busy himself. Like it was a way to drown out all his thoughts.. Paul understood that.

He sat up in bed bringing his hands up to his face as if to wipe the last bit of sleep away. His hair was matted against his head and his shirt was unbuttoned, falling off one of his shoulders. Cool air hit his exposed skin and he shivered as goosebumps covered his body. Now would be the perfect time for Daryl to come waltzing in with a plate of hot eggs. Except Paul didn't hear anything coming from the kitchen.

He narrowed his eyes before swinging his legs out of bed, his feet touching the cold floor. Paul sauntered over to the kitchen area extremely confused as there was no sign of Daryl, just a book Paul had left on the kitchen table and a pack of Daryl's cigarettes. Daryl never went on a run without talking to Paul about it first so there was no way that was where he was.

A soft mewl rang in Paul's ears and he looked down to find Dexter, the dog the two had found while out on a run. Paul only allowed them to keep the dog if he got to name him which is exactly what happened after a playful fight and a few kisses later. Dexter was a mutt much to Daryl's enjoyment because he always liked to tell Paul they had something in common, enticing an adoring eye roll from Paul. He was more of a cat person but for Daryl he gladly became a dog person.

"Do you know where your dad is? Hm?," he giggled at himself, "course you don't.."

He bent down to pat Dexter on the head before deciding to head outside in search of his boyfriend.

After fixing himself up to look more presentable to the lovely people he lived amongst Paul trudged outside, the smell of the fall air hitting his nostrils. The fall season was one of his favorites but that meant winter was coming which was always hard for everyone. Snow halted runs, illnesses ran rampant, and the temperatures could be unbearable. But they always made it work, they had to.

Lately it's been quiet at Hilltop much to everyone's surprise. Quiet meant no one had died in awhile and things were running pretty smoothly. Paul still had to deal with Gregory and his constant need to degrade Maggie's leadership skills, but it wasn't difficult to shut the man up. All he had to do was threaten taking his whiskey supply away. 

Paul stepped down from the steps of his trailer while he scanned the surroundings around him.. no sign of Daryl.

Paul happened to spot Maggie up on the watch post, a place she tended to be often, a job she always preferred over everything else. Maggie could hold her own, impressing Paul every day with her strength and resilience, but he could not help but worry about her often. He felt a need to protect her no matter what. Not to mention he was the God father of her child, as well. Making him have a strong obligation to keep the both of them safe.

He jogged over to the post, "Maggie!" he yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth. She turned around flashing a smile his way when she realized who it was.

"Jesus!" Maggie yelled back, imitating his voice and gesture as she moved closer to the edge of the platform.

Paul chuckled lightly, shaking his head. "Have you seen Daryl? I uh, I seem to have lost him," he sighed almost laughing at his statement.

Maggie hesitated a moment, reaching up to fix the hat on her head. She nodded slightly, "saw him 'round Glenn's grave this mornin. When I left to come here he was still there."

Paul felt his stomach lurch. Daryl never went to Glenn's grave. Even after he died Daryl didn't talk about it, and when he did it was in his nightmares. He knows he could never relate to the heartache and pain Daryl faced, and maybe that was why his boyfriend never spoke about it, but Paul knew it had more to do with it than that. Daryl wasn't good at talking about what he felt. Paul took a deep breath before speaking up "s'okay. Thanks Mags." A small frown graced his face before walking off.

When Paul reached Glenn's grave he stopped in his tracks. Daryl was right where Maggie had said he would be, sitting on the ground with his head in his hands. Seeing him like this startled Paul. He had never witnessed a sulking, upset or distraught Daryl Dixon. At least, not in this context.

Paul opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Should he really disturb the man or let him do this by himself? He knew how frustrated Daryl could get if he was disturbed when he wanted to be left alone, but maybe this time he needed someone by his side. Something he would never admit. His hands reached up for his beard, scratching it, a nervous tick he had.

"Daryl?" Paul spoke up, hesitantly as he moved a little closer. He watched as Daryl's head shot up. Daryl's body tensed before relaxing when he must have realized who was behind him. Silence filled the air, making the tension thick. Paul was sure it was so quiet that each breathe he took could be heard a mile a way, if that was even possible. Waiting for Daryl to say something felt like hours when in reality it had only been a few minutes.

"It isn't your fault you know." Paul blurted out, mentally kicking himself. There was no going back now though because he could feel the soul crushing speech about to flow from his mouth. Daryl always scolded him for things like this but he didn't care he needed him to understand. The beautiful man in front of him turned his body slightly to glance at him, their eyes meeting for just a few seconds before Daryl turned his back again. He looked so sullen, it took Paul back a bit. God, he wanted to take every ounce of pain away from Daryl and suffer from it instead if it meant keeping a smile on that lovely face.

Daryl still had not reacted after several more moments which made Paul decide to close the space between them. He took a spot on the ground next to Daryl, not turning to look at him but just keeping his gaze in front of him on Glenn's grave as well. Daryl fidgeted with the ties around his pants like a shy five year old.

"I know I didn't know Glenn like you did. I never will. But I know that he would never blame you for what happened, Daryl. This life we live it's awful and I wake up every day hoping that I don't have to watch another person I cherish die in front of me, but it's what we have to live with now. It won't be like this forever, at least I hope it won't be. We cross paths with people in this world who either save us or break us, and when or if we lose the ones that impact us for the better we have to keep fighting. We fight for them, and we carry on their memory until it's our time to go. Abraham and Glenn would want you to do that for them. I know it," Paul let the words leave his mouth not thinking twice about what Daryl's reaction would be.

Another string of silence gripped the air before Daryl decided to speak up. His frustration getting the best of him, "Whatd'ya know 'bout any 'o this Paul. Ya never had to watch yer own brother eat the flesh off someones bones. You never had to witness yer own weapon, carried by some blonde fuck head who stole it from ya, kill someone in front of you. And ya never had to watch two of yer family members get beaten ta death." Daryl's voice trailed off as a sob gripped the back of his throat.

Daryl closed his eyes, before taking a deep breathe and continued, "was my fault, and no one can deny that. If i had just sat my ass down like i was supposed ta, Glenn would still be alive. With Maggie.. with the baby."

Paul wasn't taken back by Daryl's tone of voice or small out lash towards him. He knew the man well enough now to know that this was his way of coping. Paul turned to look at Daryl, noticing a glossy film covering the man's eyes. He knew the archer was trying his very best not to let his emotions break the barrier he constantly had up.

This side of Daryl was hard for Paul to be around. It wasn't that he felt as though Daryl was a burden or that he couldn't handle it, but it crushed Paul to see someone he cared so deeply for put the weight of the world on his shoulders. He knew Daryl blamed so many things on himself because of his past. If Paul could he would go back in time and beat the living piss out of his father. Except he couldn't do that. Instead he had to help Daryl as best he could with his insecurities.

Making Daryl feel loved was something he made sure he did every day. Loving him was easy, it was convincing him that was the hard part. But Paul also knew that Daryl was strong enough to love himself, and didn't need someone to "save" him.

Paul placed his hand closest to Daryl on the man's leg, caressing his thigh. He squeezed a bit, a gesture he commonly did to calm his boyfriend down or let him know he was right there with Daryl.

"You have to stop putting the weight of the world on your shoulders Daryl. You can't save the world. You can't save any body but yourself. You, right here, right now is the most important thing. The pain you feel may never go away, but you have to learn from it. Moving on is the only thing you can do. It helps a lot more than sitting here and sulking because you wish you could change the past. You can't Daryl, and you never will be able to." Paul let the words spill from his mouth in a harsh yet sympathetic tone.

Daryl blinked softly before turning to face Paul. The tears in his eyes were on the verge of spilling over. He looked so broken. Paul's heart ached in his chest. It felt like a knife had jabbed it's way in and made a home there.

"Suck at talkin 'bout this shit. Always have always will. It's just- every time I look at the baby I see Glenn. I can't help but think he should be the one here standing over my grave. There ain't nothin you can say to change that Paul," Daryl said, bringing his own hand to rest on Paul's. He rubbed his thumb up and down the soft skin of his hand, wondering how someone like Paul would even want to deal with someone so messy like him.

A soft smile graced Paul's face as he took in the man in front of him. There wasn't anything he would not do for Daryl. He decided a long time ago that there was no one he would rather spend his life with. It took the end of the world for him to find someone who made him feel good enough, but he didn't really mind.

Paul watched as a tear managed to escape Daryl's eye, much to his disdain. He turned his body so that he was completely facing the older man, and placed a gentle hand against the tear stained cheek. Daryl never let his gaze fall from Paul's face, like looking away was the last thing he ever wanted to do. He leaned his face into Paul's hand as if to nuzzle it.

"Its okay to cry," Paul whispered, wanting Daryl to know his emotions were never a bad thing.

As soon as Daryl heard those words he let loose. He couldn't hold it anymore.. he was so tired of hiding away and capping off his emotions. They had been building up more and more as the months went by. He could feel every ounce of painful memory and sad thought weighing on him like a plate of armor.

Paul watched as the sobs racked the older mans body, swallowing hard. He almost started crying himself at the state of Daryl in front of him. For once in his life he had no idea what to say, which was something he wasn't used to.

"C'mere, please," Paul said, so quiet it was almost to no one but himself.

He reached out for Daryl, who gladly leaned into his embrace, pulling his warm body into his own. Daryl's soft whimpers were muffled by the soft skin of Paul's neck as Daryl pressed his face into it. Closing his eyes he ran his fingers through Daryl's hair, whispering words of encouragement, while also placing gentle kisses against Daryl's head. He didn't care how long he had to sit there holding him.. he just wanted Daryl to know he was here for him. No judgement just pure love, always.

Paul wasn't sure how long they sat like that. Daryl's cries had long subsided but the man never let go of him. Paul never realized how badly Daryl was hurting because of Glenn's death until this very moment. He hoped that sitting here, crying against the shoulder of someone who loved him helped even just a little bit.

Shuffling his way out of Pauls grip, Daryl cast his eyes down to the ground.

"Thank you," he gruffly said.

"What im here for Daryl. You don't have to thank me.."

"Ya. Ya, I do," he answered back, suddenly missing that homely feeling he felt in Paul's arms.

"Lets go home," Paul urged, standing up as he stuck his hand out for Daryl to take.

The older man stood up, taking Paul's smaller hand in his own, linking their fingers together with a squeeze. They walked in silence back to their trailer. No one dared to bother them when they saw how Daryl looked. However, Paul didn't miss the subtle glances paired with a sad smile from Maggie as she watched from her look out post.

* * *

 No one had to know that Paul let Daryl eat the last of the dinner they made that night without a fuss. They didn't need to know that the both of them laid in bed together swapping child hood stories that would stay as secrets between them, which mostly came from Paul, and sweet kisses until Daryl fell asleep. It was hard for Paul to fall asleep since his mind was moving so fast with thoughts of the man lying next to him. With his head on Daryl's chest, the sound of a heartbeat ringing through his ears, something he fell asleep listening to regularly, he knew this was the only place he wanted to be in a world like this. To him, Daryl was his soul mate and he would have found him a million more times in other lives.

"I love you, Daryl Dixon." Paul whispered into the silence of their trailer, pressing a kiss to the skin just above Daryl's tattoo, as he felt his eyes get heavy with sleep. It didn't matter that he never noticed Daryl's lips curve into a smile.


End file.
